An experienced registrar’s perspective on modern weddings, personal ceremonies and marriage law reform Lorna Andrews, of Surrey County Council Registration Service, explains why a legally recognised ceremony can still be personal, meaningful and completely your own. If you’re reading Your London & Surrey Wedding, chances are you’re either planning your own wedding or working within the wedding industry. Either way, you may recently have come across discussions about marriage law reform and what potential changes could mean for couples in England and Wales. Alongside those conversations, you’ve probably also seen growing debate about registrars, celebrants and the role each plays in modern weddings. “As someone who has spent many years marrying couples, I felt it was important to offer a registrar’s perspective. “Much of the recent discussion has focused on what registrars supposedly cannot do. Unfortunately, some of the information being shared online simply doesn’t reflect the reality of the ceremonies many registrars conduct every week. Having conducted hundreds of weddings, my colleagues and I will tell you that our experience is often very different from the picture being painted. “Yes, marriage in England and Wales operates within a legal framework, and yes, many aspects of that framework have their roots in legislation that has existed for a very long time. But while the law provides the structure, registrar-led ceremonies have moved with the times. “Perhaps the biggest misconception I encounter is the suggestion that registrars simply deliver the same script, in the same way, for every couple. Nothing could be further from the truth. “I remember an assessor observing two ceremonies I conducted on the same day, at the same venue. Afterwards, she commented on how completely different they felt. The explanation was simple: the couples themselves were completely different. GOOD REGISTRARS ADAPT “We listen. We read the information couples provide before their ceremonies. We respond to the atmosphere in the room. We are experienced. We are chameleons, adjusting our delivery to suit the people standing in front of us. “Over the years, I’ve met every type of couple imaginable. Some dream of large celebrations surrounded by hundreds of family and friends. Others prefer something intimate with just a handful of guests. Some embrace every wedding tradition possible, while others like to do things entirely their own way. “What they all have in common is that they want a day that feels personal. The same is true of venues. Whether it’s a register office, country house hotel, golf club, pub or somewhere in between, talented venue teams and creative wedding suppliers help bring those visions to life every day. “Of course, some couples would love to marry in a woodland clearing, on a mountaintop or perhaps while ziplining across a quarry. And, if I’m honest, that sounds great fun. But not every couple wants that. Or perhaps they do for their honeymoon, but not for their ceremony. Many simply want a meaningful, personal and legally recognised ceremony surrounded by the people they love. “The suggestion that legal ceremonies are somehow devoid of personality doesn’t reflect what I see every week. Every wedding I have attended as a registrar has been deeply personal. The dress, the suit, the flowers, the music, the rings, the readings and the people chosen to participate all tell part of the couple’s story. “Contrary to what some couples may have been led to believe, registrar-led ceremonies offer far more flexibility than many realise. Couples can choose readings, music and ring exchanges. You can absolutely include personal vows alongside the legal wording. “And if you’d like your ceremony to begin with a personalised introduction telling the story of how you met, where the proposal happened or what makes your relationship unique, written by you, well, guess what? Many registrars are more than happy to tell that story. I’ve heard touching poems written by siblings, A registrar’s right to reply “ 20
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