Most people don’t think of their wedding day as a performance. Yet suddenly, there you are: walking down the aisle, standing in front of a room full of people, and being photographed. In short, trying not to get anything wrong. As a confidence hypnotherapist, I regularly work with people who feel anxious about weddings. Not because they’re having second thoughts about getting married, but because they’re worried about being watched. It’s a surprisingly common fear. WHY WEDDINGS FEEL SO INTENSE Most of us rarely find ourselves in a situation where hundreds of eyes are focused on us. A wedding combines several anxiety triggers into one emotionally significant day: public speaking, family expectations, social attention and high emotion. It has all the ingredients for a perfect storm with extra confetti. The pressure can feel surprisingly intense, and if you’re somebody who doesn’t particularly enjoy being the centre of attention in everyday life, a wedding can suddenly feel like an unwelcome spotlight shining on you. WHAT TELEVISION TAUGHT ME ABOUT NERVES Before becoming a hypnotherapist, I spent 38 years at the BBC working with the great and the good, from A-list celebrities to complete beginners. Some spoke to millions of viewers, while others were appearing on television for the first time. Do you know what they all had in common? Nerves. Yes, those familiar symptoms: the racing heart, the dry mouth, the sweaty palms, the fear of going blank, the worry that everyone would notice. Interestingly, many of the same fears show up at weddings. One of the biggest things my years in television taught me is that confident people still get nervous. The presenters who appeared most relaxed on screen weren’t necessarily the ones who felt calm. They simply stopped fighting their nerves. They accepted them and focused on the message rather than themselves. BORROW A TRICK FROM LIVE TELEVISION I noticed something else too – the people who coped best under pressure focused on calming their body first. Let your shoulders drop, plant your feet firmly on the floor, and slow down your breathing. Small behaviour changes like these reassure your body that you’re okay. Try breathing in slowly through your nose, then breathe out a little more slowly. Relax your shoulders and release the tension. It’s simple, but it sends a powerful message to your nervous system that you’re safe. And once your body gets the message, the mind usually catches up. STOP PERFORMING, START EXPERIENCING One of the biggest confidence traps I see is perfectionism. Somewhere along the way, many people start believing they need the perfect day. Social media hasn’t helped. But perfection is a moving target. No matter how much planning goes into a wedding, there will almost certainly be something that doesn’t go entirely to plan, and that’s okay. What people will remember is how they felt. When we’re anxious, we become intensely self-focused. The more attention we place on ourselves, the more anxiety grows. Instead, try shifting your focus outwards. Notice what’s going on around you and remind yourself why you’re there in the first place. A wedding isn’t an exam; nobody is holding scorecards at the end of the day. Years from now, your guests probably won’t remember whether your speech was word perfect or whether every detail ran exactly to plan. They’ll remember the laughter, the dancing, the love in the room, and the people they shared the day with. And hopefully, you’ll remember being there for it too, because the goal isn’t to perform your wedding perfectly, it’s to experience it. Enjoy your day. unsplash.com@jairohdz_ Annette Williams of Silverbrook Hypnotherapy tells us why weddings can trigger confidence anxiety When all eyes are on you MEET THE EXPERT Annette Williams is a Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapist, former multi-award-winning BBC TV executive, author and speaker. Silverbrook Hypnotherapy is based in Cheshire, but Annette works with clients worldwide, online. Annette’s book, Step Into Your Spotlight: the TV insider’s guide to feeling confident when all eyes are on you!, combines her 38 years at the BBC with cognitive behavioural hypnotherapy to help people stay calm, confident and authentic in life’s spotlight moments. Find out more at silverbrookhypnotherapy.co.uk 78
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