HOT TOPIC Local wedding celebrants answer your questions AN INTIMATE AFFAIR My fiancée has autism spectrum disorder so we want a small, private wedding. Can you suggest a venue and a celebrant? Meet the experts: Sue Denham is a celebrant who can officiate at any ceremony. Little Silver Weddings is a petite, luxury wedding venue in North Devon, run by owners Peter and Lisa Earnshaw. Sue says: The word neurodiversity refers to the diversity of all people, but it is often used in the context of autism spectrum disorder (ASD), as well as other neurological or developmental conditions such as ADHD, PTSD, dyslexia, dyscalculia, and Tourette’s. No two people will be affected in the same way and many famous people have neuro-differences, including Lewis Capaldi, who has been raising awareness about Tourette’s. The word neurodiversity describes the idea that there are many ways to think, learn, and behave. People experience and interact with the world around them in many different ways; there is no one right way of thinking, learning, and behaving, and differences should be embraced and seen as typical. The word neurotypical is an informal term used to describe a person who thinks, perceives, and behaves in ways that are considered the norm by the general population. The term neurodivergent is used to describe someone who isn’t neurotypical, meaning that their brain works in a way that is not expected. Why can this be a concern for anyone wanting a ceremony? We are all individuals and if you are part of the neurodivergent community, planning for any special occasion can be difficult and will often need extra considerations and thought. For those that want to celebrate a wedding, their neurodiversity (or that of a loved one) can lead to overwhelming feelings, sensory overload and increased anxiety. For example, a person with ASD may experience either a muted or heightened sense of the world - everything may be louder, brighter, and more intense than it is for most people. Sensitivity to lights or sounds or smells can be very overwhelming and make getting through a particular day, like a wedding, very challenging. Couples and their families need help to find alternative ways to have a beautiful ceremony which meets their sensory needs and reduces their anxiety. Can you explain why a celebrant has more flexibility to accommodate the neurodiverse than a registrar? Registrars are fully professional, kind and considerate but they are constrained by law about what they can and cannot do. Celebrants have greater flexibility and can create a personal ceremony that suits the needs of a couple, for example, additions of personal stories. A celebrant will work closely with anyone with neurodiverse needs to identify their ideal celebration as well as identify any potential barriers. These will be carefully worked through and overcome. Couples have the reassurance of getting to know their celebrant before their wedding, which helps provide a calm and comfortable day. They will meet as many times as necessary and be open and honest to ensure the ceremony is exactly what the couple desire. What do you need to consider to create a suitable ceremony? I am passionate about inclusivity, equality and equity. I can help support and guide you with suggestions and ideas to make your ceremony as inclusive as possible. I always meet my couples several times before their wedding day so we know each other well, have talked through their day in detail and have explored their love story, crafting a personalised event. With the venue, we will pay attention to the detail of the day. A venue and celebrant need to work together to allow the couple to do whatever they need to do to make it work for them. We can plan a wedding rehearsal so that everybody knows the plan and timings of the ceremony. The couple will see their entirely personalised ceremony script in the weeks leading up to the wedding, to ensure it’s exactly as they wish it to be. It’s crucial the couple feel the venue meets their needs and that the venue planners are supportive and helpful in making any needed adjustments. There are a lot of stimuli at a wedding ceremony which needs to be considered to stop feeling overwhelmed. Can you give examples of how you’ve created ceremonies to suit the neurodiverse? My role as a celebrant, alongside the venue, is to help create a ceremony that suits the couple’s needs. This can happen in several ways, for example providing a calm, quiet, people-free space before and after the ceremony to help the couple decompress. I can encourage the use of personal sensory-regulation items such as headphones, tinted glasses or fidget toys to reduce anxiety. Other options are minimising sensory distractions in the environment such as bright lights and background noise. Why is Little Silver House so suitable? The venue is a beautiful, flexible wedding venue to meet all couples’ needs but especially those who may have neurodiverse ones. The location is stunning, being so open with calming views across the countryside. There are many areas for an outdoor ceremony, and even indoors it is spacious, and beautifully decorated but not too big. The owners, Peter and Lisa are passionate about providing a glorious wedding for their couples and are incredibly supportive, flexible and accommodating to the needs of the neurodiverse community. They focus on the details, adjustments and planning to ensure needs are met. Planning closely with the venue and celebrant is a real advantage. The couple will know exactly what the day and the ceremony will be like, precisely when and where everything will be happening, what food they are going to eat, and so many other things in detail because they will have meticulously planned them. The day can be as simple or extravagant as they wish. With a flexible venue and a celebrant-led ceremony, there’s no such thing as a standard wedding - all of the stuff that a couple might feel they are supposed to do doesn’t matter. It’s their day, their way. What would you like people to be aware of? Those with neurodiversity, or who have loved ones with neurodiversity, may fear a ceremony. You have permission to do what’s necessary to reduce that fear and be fully supported in making it work for you. Little Silver Weddings, www.littlesilverweddings.com, 01769 615 040, www.facebook.com/littlesilverweddings; www.instagram.com/littlesilverweddings Celebrant Sue By Your Side, www.sue-byyourside.co.uk; www.facebook.com/people/Celebrant-Sue-By-YourSide/100087574969339 Scan to view video 60
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